“2b or nt 2B. tht s d ?”

BY TED LERNER

Can you imagine if the greatest purveyor of words our beloved English language has ever produced was dropped into the modern day Philippines and handed a cell phone? After seeing what’s happened to his mother tongue, Billy Shakespeare might just be overcome with a permanent case of nausea and never be able to write a single word again.

But then again, once Bill realized the circumstances surrounding him, how Filipinos, in their unique way have created a unique communicating and language culture of their very own, he might be rather impressed with it all. He might even write an entire play in modern text language. Can you imagine? Nah, neither can I.

Yet, the implications of the cell phone and texting have been as immense in 21^st century Philippine society as Shakespeare was on 17^th century English society. Just how did it come to pass that the Philippines became the text messaging capital of the world, with something like an astonishing 50 million text messages being traded back and forth everyday?

I chalk it up to something I call pent up connectedness. We all know that Filipinos love being connected; to family, to friends, to just about anyone who wants to talk to them. Idle chit chat has been turned into an art form here. For an American, being connected has never been an issue. We’ve been connected for as long as anyone of us can remember. You wanted a phone you had one. But let’s not forget that only 15 years ago, Filipinos were told to wait sometimes 10 years or longer just to get a basic telephone installed. So when cell phones appeared, and text messaging came soon after, and it was affordable for even a balut vendor, what did you expect? That pent up urge to be connected has flowed right into a tidal wave of texting; all because it’s affordable, it works, it’s high tech, it’s fun. And it gets results.

Texting is actually a great way to get a hold of Filipinos. Sending a text message to a Filipino almost guarantees a quick response. (unless of course, you’re trying to collect money, which clearly even supersonic high tech devices can’t properly facilitate.) Studies have been conducted which show Filipinos with cell phones feel important when they receive a text. Those that don’t receive a text for a whole day actually feel unloved. It’s that connectedness thing.

These days you can text just about anyone or anything. Texting even promises better service from public officials. I saw a big sign at the domestic airport with a number where you could text your complaints. I was upset about the stinking toilets so I texted my complaint to the number. As the message was sent off, I was happy thinking something was going to be done about the problem right away. However, nobody returned my text. Clearly the complaint department at the airport didn’t want to be my text mate.

The word permutations texters come up with are truly amazing. “Wer r u nw?” “Mt u @ d ofc,” “Gudpm, sum1 s lukng 4 u(Good Evening, someone is looking for you.) “B4”, “Njoy”, “L w8 4 u nr d LF8or” (I’ll wait for you near the elevator). Personally, besides wondering what on earth is happening to the English language, I consider it an embarrassment to myself for sending a text to someone using the letter “d” to mean “the.” I actually feel I’m disrespecting my parents, and the proper education they slaved to give me. So I actually go out of my way to type out the exact word.

Of course Filipinos hardly see it that way. They just want to send a message as quick and as easy as possible. Everyone knows what you mean. Yes, the practical has always taken precedent here over the idealistic.

Some people lament, though, that with all this high tech connectedness, we’ve forsaken the no-tech kind. Well sort of. You see it in restaurants and coffee houses. People sitting around a table and every one of them is looking into their cell phone and texting, oblivious to even their own friends sitting right there. However, you can be sure that those same people are not just texting directions to their little brother to go to bed. They are actually carrying on whole conversations. It’s with other people and it’s via text messaging. And these conversations come complete with expressed emotions via text by combining common punctuation like this :).

Speaking of emotions, the cell phone and texting have led to perhaps a 50% increase in drama in this country, if you thought that was possible. Like my American friend, John. He had a new Filipina girlfriend who was sitting at home watching movies when she decided to send him one of those innocuous text messages which are of no importance except to indicate she’s bored. “Hi Hon Hw r u?” Unfortunately, John had had a long day, and needed a good rest, so he had turned off his cell phone before he went to bed. Snoozing away in total bliss, he had no idea the danger currently brewing in his life. Upon waking the next morning he turned on his cell phone and found his inbox overflowing with text messages, all from his girlfriend.

Reading them was like paging through the treatment script for a new drama thriller in which John was the star. Five minutes after that first innocent text came the next one; “Hon, y u no txt bak?” Ten minutes later another: “Hon wats up? U got anudr grlfren?” Then five minutes later: “I no u got anudr girl. Y u do dis to me?” There were nearly 40 messages in all, each indicating the girl getting progressively more upset, dreaming up the worst possible scenarios, when in actuality all John was doing was simply dreaming. By the last text the girl had clearly gone insane: “I wil kil u!!!!”

Of course the enraged girl couldn’t fathom that John might have been sleeping. She wanted results now, because this colorful device promised just that. Unfortunately she did not factor in the idea that life had existed just fine on this planet for millions of years without people immediately returning your smoke signal. Clearly putting supersonic high tech devices into the hands of half wits does indeed have its drawbacks.

The implications of the cell phone and texting can best be seen by visiting the remotest regions of the Philippines, like in the stunningly gorgeous Cordillera mountains. It’s a big leap to go from talking to basically nobody for a few thousand years, to having millions of potential text mates sitting in your back pocket while you, say, plow your ancient rice terrace the way your ancestors did it. Mountain people, though, have taken to texting the way a carabao takes to a grassy field. It’s also resulted in a phenomenon which provides some outrageous juxtapositions.

The road from Banaue to the provincial capital of Bontoc stretches for only 47 kilometers, but the trip takes between two and a half to three hours. The mountain pass looks like it hasn’t changed much in three hundred years. But while the roads are barely up to 17^thst century. century standards, the communication is totally 21

The drivers of the vehicles that ply these ancient roads all carry cell phones. So too do many of the passengers. (Thanks to the high perches offered by the mountains, Globe, Smart and Sun have placed their gleaming metallic towers in these peoples’ backyards, giving mountain folk five solid bars of perfect signal.) Of course, owning a supersonic electronic device can’t solve the problem posed by decrepit infrastructure, so the cell phone doesn’t help you arrive any faster. But with a few simple text messages, people on the other end have a better idea how long they have to wait for their ride or relative to arrive.

About halfway between Botoc and Banaue, in the middle of nowhere, high in the sky, with breathtaking and spectacular views of the vast green valley below, the rickety bus bounces and swerves its way to a sight which can only be described as a classic metaphor for the cell phone and all it stands for in our time: a mammoth gleaming cell phone tower. Naturally the cell tower has become the center of attraction with an oasis of sorts having formed around the tall structure. People have set up small stalls selling fresh mountain vegetables, fruits, drinks, cheap wooden carvings and yes, load for your phone. Vehicles from both directions stop so their occupants can relieve themselves, refresh, take a break or fill up the radiator. It’s also easier to send a text now that you’re not bobbing up and down.

All the sari-sari stores in Sagada in Mountain province sell e-load and all day you see local ladies sitting out on the stoop of the store busily typing messages. Despite it’s global possibilities, texting has become more of a local form of communication. Since time immemorial in these mountainous conditions, a message could only be delivered only by an arduous climb up the terraced fields. In, say, the year 1478, if a rope broke on the old wooden plow hooked up to the carabao, it was hours before they could get a replacement. Now in 2009 you simply pop out that cute gadget in your pocket and get your thumb busy typing the urgent plea.

People in these far off lands are discovering the never ending possibilities of the mobile phone. Only a few years back sending a message to Baguio from Sagada and getting a reply could take days. Now mere seconds. The lady at the palengke selling mountain coffee tells me to text her if I need some local brew sent to the lowlands. A massage in your lodge is now only a text away. In the pitch dark of night, the glowing cell phone can even serve as an impromptu flashlight on those narrow hilly paths through the village.

If you worry that modern communication will take some of the mystery out of these ancient cultures, you need not fret. For while I was marveling at the centuries old hanging coffins in Sagada’s mysterious but breathtaking Echo Valley, I was also bowled over by one of the great mysteries of our modern world; that I had a better cell phone connection out in the middle of nowhere then I do in the city center. And as I laid on the grass I listened to the timeless noises peculiar to the far reaches of the mountains; birds singing to each other, water rushing down an unseen gulley, the wind rustling through the tall pine trees. And occasionally piercing the air came that ubiquitous four syllable beeping sound indicating that I have a text message.

2 txt or nt 2 txt. Tht s d ? The beauty of it was that it was the only sound out there that I could simply turn off, and at my leisure.

*I’m not giving out my cell number because I don’t want any textmates. But you can email me at ted@tedlerner.com. But if we become friends or you promise to buy me beer, I just might give you my cell number.