DON’T RUN MANNY. THEY’LL APPOINT YOU GOD

by TED LERNER

(Manila)–Not only are Filipinos giving Manny Pacquiao plenty of properly deserved accolades for being the finest pugilist on the planet right now, they are also piling on the titles as well. Don’t worry, however. These are not the kinds of titles the alphabet gangs give away. Those cost WAY too much money and you have to wire the cash to strange men in places like Mexico City and San Juan, Puerto Rico.

No, these titles are given freely by fellow Filipinos, most of them also important like Pacquiao. Each day since his return to the country from hammering Ricky Hatton senseless in Las Vegas, somebody, somewhere is handing Pacquiao a new title. Just the other day, the justice secretary of the Philippines officially appointed the Pacman as his “special assistant” on “intelligence matters.” When asked if the pound for pound champ will be receiving a salary for his work, the secretary said, “No salary. It is an honorary position in honor of his achievement. He can help the Department of Justice in any manner he can. I can ask him for information as well.”

From my reading of the words “intelligence” and “information,” and judging by the fact that the justice secretary signed the decree, I believe that now makes Manny Pacquiao a secret agent. Now, I’ve always known boxing was a sordid and dirty business. But really, I had no clue terrorists were disguising themselves as reporters and cut men and hanging around boxing gyms. And you thought Freddie Roach was a nice guy.

In addition to being a secret agent for the Justice Department, Pacquiao on Monday was appointed by Philippine President Gloria Arroyo as “Ambassador for peace and understanding.” I’m not exactly sure what this title means for the Pacman. It might have something to do with the fact that when Pacquiao fights, the entire country comes to a screeching halt. Even those groups fighting the government, like the communist New People’s Army and the Moro Islamic Liberation Front, put their guns and grenades away for a few hours, and sit down to watch endless hours of forbidden bourgeois TV commercials promoting illicit products like rum, cigarettes and pig feed, just to catch the Pacman kick some serious butt.

Some people have suggested that Pacquiao would be a good emissary to negotiate peace with these seemingly intractable and stubborn rebel groups. The problem with this, however, is one of Pacquiao’s other titles: he has also been given the title of Master Sergeant by the Philippine military, the arch enemy of these very rebel groups. And he’s expected to get a promotion in the coming days. But who knows? In a not-so-odd way, the Pacman as peacemaker kind of makes sense. Who would have thought? A boxer doing a Ghandi on Philippine society.

But it’s not just corralling the bad guys and bringing the rest of the people together in blissful harmony. The Manny Pacquiao brand is also good for saving nature. A few months back Pacquiao was appointed as the head of the Environment department’s “Task force Nature.” Heck if anyone can tame Mother Nature, it has to be Pacquiao. Mother Nature is a bit like Ricky Hatton. She’s hardly ever subtle and comes straight at you. Wait until she blows straight into Pacquiao’s world. If he continues to throw that right hand with such awesome blazing speed, Mother Nature is going down hard for sure.

If this all sounds like many Filipinos would just as soon appoint Manny Pacquiao as ‘God,’ well, from my travels around the Philippines, I’d venture to guess that that is not such a far fetched notion in this tropical archipelago. That way, in one fell swoop, all that ills the Philippines–and it is a lot–will vanish in an instant.

It’s all a manifestation of Filipinos experiencing something completely new in their midst; a worldwide sporting phenomenon. Never in the history of this country has any athlete even come close to reaching “worldwide sensation.” Not Flash Elorde, not the legendary pool player Efren “Bata” Reyes. Actually the great Pancho Villa may have been something close to what Pacman is today. The tiny whirlwind actually took the USA by storm back in the early 1920’s, and that was at a time when boxing was front page headlines. But, of course, that is all but a distant memory today.

Pacquiao’s feat in reaching this level of stardom is even more extraordinary when you consider the fact that the Philippines is hardly known for its extraordinary athleticism. This is a country which has never won a gold medal in the Olympics. The most popular participatory sport in the Philippines is basketball. This is strange because the average height of Filipinos is about 5’4”. Although many of the professional basketball players are much taller than that, the Philippines can barely compete in hoops against its Asian neighbors, much less the world.

It’s all beyond words for Filipinos, who are a people almost never at a loss for words. That’s why Pacquiao’s phenomenal worldwide success has Filipinos falling all over themselves trying to crown Pacquiao this or that. In lieu of words that escape them, they give him titles and appoint him to extraordinary positions. The ordinary folks hope that his magic will somehow rub off on them. The important people hope his fabulous wealth will somehow end up in their campaign kitty for next year’s elections.

Which brings us to the one title Pacquiao seems to covet more and more these days; that of elected politician. Pacquiao’s political party was recently registered with the commission on elections and he has said openly he plans to run for congress in 2010. The foreign press has taken this to mean that Pacquiao will one day be President of the country. I can guarantee my ridiculous sounding colleagues from abroad that that’s one title Filipinos are not going to hand Pacquiao with a smile.

Filipinos are almost one in praying they hope Manny stays out of politics. In the eyes of jaded Filipinos, once you’re a politician, you’re stained. They would love it if Pacquiao simply went about doing what he does best; fight like nobody in recent memory, then go around the country accepting accolades and honorary titles. Which is why I have a sneaking suspicion that Filipinos will not vote Pacquiao in next year, just as they did the last time he ran for congress. They will save him from the snake pit of politics. They will save him from himself. They will save their hero for themselves.

Pacquiao himself touched on this very thing at a press conference on Monday inside the Presidential palace in Manila. Answering a question from the president herself, Pacquiao said. “It turned out that he(Hatton) could not take the punch of the entire Filipino nation”

That quote nailed the essence of his very self. Pacquiao’s the hero who leads the way in doing something no other Filipino can do: kick ass for the entire Filipino nation. And as long as he continues to do what he’s doing, Pacquiao will be continue to be considered the perfect Filipino, an untarnished super legend for the ages. Indeed if he stays away politics, Pacquiao can have it all, and fulfill the all powerful promise of those many titles they’re handing him nowadays.